Q. How will you bill me?
A. When you sign up at All American Joke Dumpster.com, you will be e-mailing us your credit card information along with the plan you wish to sign up for. You will immediately be billed for the first month, and a set of floppy disks containing your jokes will be mailed to your home address. You will be billed for each month that you are using the floppy disks, and can cancel at any time, given you mail back the floppy disks when you are done.
Q. Do you take checks?
A. Of course we take checks! What kind of business in America today doesn't take checks? Simply write out your payment and mail it with your account number to:
PO BOX 5023
MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55401
Q. Can I upgrade, downgrade, or cancel my subscription?
A. If you want to cancel, upgrade, or downgrade your service, please mail back the floppy disks sent to you when service began, along with a 3"x5" notecard indicating how you want to change your service, including a check for the difference if you want to upgrade your service. Please note, your service cannot change unless all the disks have been received by our processing center.
Q. Are there different jokes between the different plans?
A. YES!!!! All of the jokes in each of the plans are unique and can be found no where else on the planet, including the other sets! If you get tired of the jokes in your Pedestrian plan (impossible), you can upgrade to the Amateur plan and receive TEN THOUSAND NEW, COMPLETELY ORIGINAL JOKES! This makes upgrading AND downgrading a new experience, though we don't recommend downgrading, as lower plans contain inferior jokes.
Q. Are you ever adding new jokes to your program?
A. YES!!!! We are constantly updating our library! Every month you will receive an additional floppy disk containing THIS MONTH'S DIGEST OF NEW JOKES. If you ever change your plan, don't bother sending those digest disks back! They're yours! For life! Until you cancel!
Q. Why aren't your jokes available online for download?
A. That would be impractical. The smallest joke package contains over 5,000 jokes, which is over 5.7 megabytes in size - that's four floppy disks! And the Executive package is distributed on an 81 floppy disk set, over 115.7 megabytes in all - that's more than a Zip disk! With file sizes this massive, online distribution would be nearly impossible. While the Pedestrian package would take only 45 minutes to download using the industry standard 28.8k modem, the Executive package would require over FOURTEEN HOURS. Forget about accidentally picking up the phone and interrupting your internet connection - do you realize how crazy your AOL bill would be? At $3.95 an hour, I would rather use the postal service, thank you.
Q. What's to stop people from just copying the jokes and returning them after one month?
A. Unless you're planning on copy each joke on paper, that's an unlikely scenario. While some super users have 500 megabyte hard drives in their personal computers, most people simply don't have the space for that. Plus, in the age of the digital revolution, it's hard to imagine users resorting to soft ware piracy. People are fundamentally honest, and will pay for what they use. After all, shareware is the dominate form of software distribution today, and shows no sign of disappearing any time soon.
Q. Why not use CD-ROM to distribute your jokes?
A. Although the prospect of reducing our 81 disk Executive set down to one slim CD-ROM disc is tantalizing, we are cautious. At the moment, the cost is prohibitively expensive and difficult to implement, and very few people actually have CD-ROM drives equipped in their home computing towers. Until we see more demand for this media of the future, we will stick with the more traditional 3 1/4" floppy disks.
Q. I want to cancel, and am trying to find all my disks, but I lost one! What do I do?
A. Send back all of the disks you have, and we will simply charge you a prorated amount for the missing disk until you find it. In case you never find the disk, do not worry. For the Pedestrian package, this is only a rate of $1.25 a month for the rest of your life. A buy out option is available for $500 per disk (the average human lifespan of 72 - the average age of our subscribers of 35 * 12 months a year * $1.25 a disk - 10% buyout discount).